Day 3

I finally have time to sit down with my old journal and re-read my progress from last March. I was making amazing progress, until one day I stopped my journey, I don't know why, but I stopped. I remember my attitude was getting better, I was become much less negative and I was happier. So again, I start, vowing to not quit and make this a life change, as I was when I was in high school and early adulthood.

I have several different books that i am going to study. I started with "simple abundance" and "a woman's journey to the heart of God" by Cynthia Heald. There will be more books to come. I really enjoy simple abundance because it focuses on become true to yourself, taking time for yourself and loving yourself. and the "journey" is a road map on how to get back to the heart of God.

The first lesson is:
Restoring serenity in your daily endeavors- This one starts with the serenity prayer. I think we all could use this prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change; courage to change the things i can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as i would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if i surrender to his will; that i may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

I have so much guilt over things that i cannot not change. It consumes me. I need to believe this prayer and apply it when i am feeling guilty. I need to trust in God that he has a purpose for the world and my life. I cannot control everything.

My promise: I will trust in Gods plan for me. I will keep my eyes open to his path. I will work on putting my guilt away, and be easier on myself.

Everyday is a journey, I don't not have to have the world on my shoulders. what a relief!! Thank you Lord for that. Now if i can just live this truth. H

Day 2

I have had alot of wonderful responses from friends, family and a bible study leader from my past. I havent had time to process everything yet. I also pulled out my old journal from the last time i tried to rekindle my walk with God. I pulled out my books, devotionals, and bible studies. I plan to read my lists ( i am a major list maker!!) my blessing list, qualities i would like to have, and to do list to be a better person. I am excited to dive in and do my research and get started on my journey. I know it will be difficult because i have alot of my past that holds me back that i need to work through. My Attidude needs an adjustment.

Doubts

Is GOD there? I used to strongly believe, but now i am lost. I don't even know where to begin in my search. I feel empty, my heart is cold. I feel sadness beyond belief and circumstance.

I have a near perfect life a perfect supportive husband, a beautiful house, two great dogs. What would i ever have reason to feel sad and empty?

I sense that he is there. actually i cant sense him at all.

To start i will ask my christian Friends their thoughts on finding God.

I have ordered some books with advice. I am going to try every way i can think of to see if he is still there, or has he given up on me who, has given up on him so many times.

I need to not just find God, but i need to feel him alive and strong in my heart. Any questions, answers and comments, i am open to. Please let me know about your thoughts and beliefs for any religion. I would love info on Buddhism.