Day 6 Where are you on your journey?

Still working on my journey to God. Still not feeling it in my heart. Still trying. Still pursuing it further.



Today's lesson in the Journey to God: "where are you on your journey?"



How appropriate for me. I am at the beginning, scared to death. doubting, fearing wanting to believe that He is there. Not sure what to believe in. feeling broken, battered, and defeated. needing guidance, love and understanding. My heart is so cold, so tired of getting stomped on. the pulls on my identity and time are strong in all directions. I don't even like myself right now, i don't think i have for years.



"From now on every road you take will take you to or away from God" psalm 25:10



If you are ever doubting what you should do in a situation, there is your answer. I need to seek him in all my decisions. here is a interesting quote:



" The impulse to pursue God originates with God, but the outworking of that impulse is our following hard after him. all the time we are pursuing Him we are already in His hand. "



That should make me feel so safe, i want to feel his hand. i have strayed so far, i feel like He is miles away.



My Prayer: Father please help me feel your hand, help me feel safe in your arms. Help me believe and be strong in my journey.

Simple abundance lesson: Meditation and quieting your mind.

I have never been able to quiet my mind. I have a very mean voice in there, nagging me and putting me down. How do i turn this around? how do i stop it? The best way i can think of is to change each one of those mean nagging thoughts to kind supporting thoughts. someone one told me that i need to nurture my inner child. Be a supporting mother, uplift her and protect her.

My promise: I will concentrate on quieting my inner self, and concentrate on loving healthy thoughts. H

My quality on being positive has be really hard at work. it is so easy to jump into negative conversations. i am working on walking away from the negative people.

Day 5 One thing at a time

Multi-tasking is a wonderful thing.... until you multi-task your personal life away. I do it all the time, work on a project while talking on the phone, or half listening to someone while planning the rest of my day in my head. My worst habit is watching TV while someone is talking to me. Yes i admit it, very bad!!



Today's Simple abundance lesson: being present in the moment, and taking one thing at a time.



I know I miss out on wonderful moments by not being present. How can fix this? I guess #1 would be to turn off the TV when my husband wants to have a conversation with me. I am so blessed with a husband who wants to have conversations with me and I waste it. I need to enjoy life and smell the roses, not rush into the next moment.



My promise: I will try to do one thing at a time and live in the moment, and give my loved ones 100% of my attention.



Journey to God lesson: "must sorrow travel with us? Yes, with sorrow you will know true joy"



Wow how powerful is this? I have a lot of sorrow from my past and sorrow in my present. If you didn't have rough times how would you appreciate the wonderful times? I need to remember this when i get my "woe is me" attitude. I have so much disappointment and hurt in my past; wasted time, failed romances, lost friends, and wasted opportunities. I feel these in my core, i grieve and i have let them hold me back and occupy too much time in my thoughts.



My promise: Give my disappointments to God, put them away only to use to realize how wonderful my life is now.



My prayer: Father please take my hand on this journey, guide me, teach me, and please be patient with me as i learn to change and b more like you. Keep me strong when my old ways surface. Please help me leave my past at your feet when i am ready to release it. thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon me.

Working on positivity- and this has been hard, there is so much negativity especially at work, it is so hard not to jump in the conversation with my own complaints. I will try harder!

Day 4 "You must be the change you want to see in the world"

Today i would like to talk about what qualities i would like to have(i hate to say i am severely lacking in most areas)I got a lot of ideas from "uncommon beauty, 7 qualities of a beautiful woman" by Cynthia Heald. I will take each quality and work on one each week. I will write it out on a index card and carry it with me for a reminder. My favorite quote come from Gandhi " You must be the change you want to see in the world" How true is that, it starts with you. You often hear of domino effects of kindness. the same can be true for negativity, just think of how fast your day gets ruined by someone being negative. Here are the qualities i would like to see in myself. some feel like they repeat, but i want to cover each area fully.

1. PASSION-For life, love and happiness. Passion to know God and follow in his footsteps, Passion to do what i love and love what I do.

2. WISDOM- to know how to handle situations, wisdom to use past mistakes to help me grow and to help others not feel alone in their mistakes. wisdom to see people for who they are, not on appearances

3 INTEGRITY- To be honest with myself and others. to live an honest life. to do what is right no matter how hard it is.

4. SELFLESSNESS- To give all i have without holding back. to put others needs ahead of my own.

5. GRACIOUSNESS- to be grateful for all that i have and everything i have been able to accomplish. to give thanks always. to remember all my blessings and give praise to God for all he has given me.

6. CONTENTMENT- to be satisfied with all i have in this life, not to be racing to the next part of my life. enjoying each accomplishment fully.

7. COURAGE- To do what is right. to try new things. to stand up for myself. courage to let go of my past and live for the future. courage to trust in the the lord for all my needs.

8.FAITH- In the lord, in myself. faith in my husband, knowing that he will not hurt me like relationships in the past. faith that there are good people in this world. faith in myself that this time i will be successful in my journey. faith in all of Gods promises.

9. HAPPINESS- For it to shine out of me with full force and love. even if i have to fake it till i make it. happy to be me. happy in my own skin. to allow job to come inside of me. to create fun where it is missing. to smile and spread joy. to up lift others to brighten someones Else's day.

10. LOVE- to love fully with out fear of rejection. believe in love. let Gods love in.

11.PATIENCE- Do not fly off the handle, be calm, let peace fill me. be understanding of others situations. give people the best motive, understand that i don't know know every ones situation.

12. POSITIVITY- Cut out negative thoughts. look on the bright side. change negative thoughts to positive thoughts.

13. LANGUAGE- not to have the mouth of a sailor! :)

My promises

** I will trust in Gods plan for me. I will keep my eyes open to his path. I will work on putting my guilt away, and be easier on myself. H

** I will try to do one thing at a time and live in the moment, and give my loved ones 100% of my attention. H

** Give my disappointments to God, put them away only to use to realize how wonderful my life is now. H

** My promise: I will concentrate on quieting my inner self, and concentrate on loving healthy thoughts. H

Day 3

I finally have time to sit down with my old journal and re-read my progress from last March. I was making amazing progress, until one day I stopped my journey, I don't know why, but I stopped. I remember my attitude was getting better, I was become much less negative and I was happier. So again, I start, vowing to not quit and make this a life change, as I was when I was in high school and early adulthood.

I have several different books that i am going to study. I started with "simple abundance" and "a woman's journey to the heart of God" by Cynthia Heald. There will be more books to come. I really enjoy simple abundance because it focuses on become true to yourself, taking time for yourself and loving yourself. and the "journey" is a road map on how to get back to the heart of God.

The first lesson is:
Restoring serenity in your daily endeavors- This one starts with the serenity prayer. I think we all could use this prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change; courage to change the things i can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as i would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if i surrender to his will; that i may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

I have so much guilt over things that i cannot not change. It consumes me. I need to believe this prayer and apply it when i am feeling guilty. I need to trust in God that he has a purpose for the world and my life. I cannot control everything.

My promise: I will trust in Gods plan for me. I will keep my eyes open to his path. I will work on putting my guilt away, and be easier on myself.

Everyday is a journey, I don't not have to have the world on my shoulders. what a relief!! Thank you Lord for that. Now if i can just live this truth. H

Day 2

I have had alot of wonderful responses from friends, family and a bible study leader from my past. I havent had time to process everything yet. I also pulled out my old journal from the last time i tried to rekindle my walk with God. I pulled out my books, devotionals, and bible studies. I plan to read my lists ( i am a major list maker!!) my blessing list, qualities i would like to have, and to do list to be a better person. I am excited to dive in and do my research and get started on my journey. I know it will be difficult because i have alot of my past that holds me back that i need to work through. My Attidude needs an adjustment.

Doubts

Is GOD there? I used to strongly believe, but now i am lost. I don't even know where to begin in my search. I feel empty, my heart is cold. I feel sadness beyond belief and circumstance.

I have a near perfect life a perfect supportive husband, a beautiful house, two great dogs. What would i ever have reason to feel sad and empty?

I sense that he is there. actually i cant sense him at all.

To start i will ask my christian Friends their thoughts on finding God.

I have ordered some books with advice. I am going to try every way i can think of to see if he is still there, or has he given up on me who, has given up on him so many times.

I need to not just find God, but i need to feel him alive and strong in my heart. Any questions, answers and comments, i am open to. Please let me know about your thoughts and beliefs for any religion. I would love info on Buddhism.